One of my hesitations to starting this blog was a fear that people (those who haven’t been through this) would think that I haven’t dealt with our loss and am still “hung up on it”. Truth is, I think I’ll always be “hung up on it” in a sense. Losing a child changed me and will always be a part of me. I still have brief periods of grieving. For me, her birthday is still hard. I am also sometimes struck with tears when I see children that are the age she would be now. Perhaps the hardest is hearing my daughter say that she loves her little brother, but she wishes she had a sister to play with too. But I don’t dwell on it every day, I can get out of bed in the morning, and I can see the good that God has brought from our pain. Though my heart still hurts and my mind still wonders about the child I”ll never know, I think I have moved from grief to remembrance.
I know a couple of people who lost babies at birth and act like it never happened. They don’t talk about it, haven’t told their other children and would never want to read the things we are sharing here. I think it is unhealthy to be at either extreme. Through the first year the tear-filled days may outnumber the emotionally stable days, but it shouldn’t stay that way. But I also think it is unhealthy to act like it never happened.
In our home there are remembrances, but they are subtle – a pretty vase that hold her remains, a wooden box contains keepsakes, Willow Tree figures represent her as well as my other children and significant moments in our lives. We want to honor her memory as our precious child that left us too early, but we don’t want to burden those who visit us with sadness or spend our every day in despair.
I pray that you can find this path from grief to remembrance. I’ve found an article written by a Mayo Clinic psychologist that talks about this matter. If you are struggling to “let go” without letting go, I hope you will read this, seek counsel if you need to, and share your thoughts.