“I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties.” 1 Kings 3:7
If you are reading this post, I need to ask for your help. I need you to pray that God will give me wisdom beyond my own understanding in writing this blog and in my communications with those I connect with because of the common bond of losing a child. The outpouring of support and encouragement I have received has been beyond what I could ever ask for to assure me that I am indeed doing what God wants me to do. I appreciate those messages more than I can ever say. But what I need now more than anything is the wisdom to know what to say, when, and to whom. I am so afraid of doing more harm than good. I think it is what kept me from starting this years ago and I think Satan uses it still to keep me questioning my actions. There have been times when I should have been silent and I wasn’t, and times when I should have spoken my heart and I didn’t.
Everyone handles this differently. I think many, especially when the loss is new, need to know the thoughts and struggles of someone else who has been there. But what if what I write CREATES sad thoughts? What if sharing what I have struggled with causes someone else to deal with something that would never even have entered their mind before? Maybe there is such as thing as sharing too much and trying too hard to be there for someone. For some, the pain of losing a child happened long ago and they have dealt with it – the last thing they need is for someone like me to bring it all to surface again. I think that I need discernment and an ability far beyond myself to know when I should simply cover a person in prayer and when that person needs words from a person with flesh on.
So I’m praying the prayer of Solomon. “I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties.” I ask for wisdom and the ability to discern between my own thoughts and His. I ask that you participate in this ministry by offering your own prayers – first for those who have lost a child and second that I won’t stand in the way of God’s healing for them.
Embracing Grace 
You are daily in my prayers, dear friend. Now I can be a little more specific. What you do here is special and precious. I know because it helps me not only to deal with my sadness but helps me to know how to help those who were farther along than I was. I will continue to pray for God’s blessing on this ministry He has given you and His blessings on you for following His leading.
Rachel, this is coming from a man that has never lost a child so it may not mean alot. But, I have been with someone for almost 13 years so I feel I have a little insight on this matter so please bare with me. When Sam lost Tre’ she was not in a church. She had no one to talk to that had been through anything like what she was going through. She tried to brave it alone and it cost her her marriage her relationships with her in-laws and almost her life. I know how valuable someone like you could have been to her. Over the years we have sat in church and learned of mothers loosing children and thought “we should start a support group to help these parents”, but we never had the courage. I guess I am telling you this because you are truly God sent to parents going through this. Do not second guess yourself at all. I pray that you have the strength to continue this. People never “learn to cope” with this kind of loss without a lot of help from caring people like you. I pray that you and Sam can continue to grow and support each other as you have a special, although heartbreaking, bond with each other. I don’t know how long it takes to recover from a loss like that, but I know it is longer than 13 years. In Christian love, Brad
Thank you both for your promised prayers and contributions to the support I am receiving from many. I covet the prayers most of all. I’m finding that knowing this is what I’m supposed to do and knowing how to do it effectively are two very different things. I want others to find healing and for God to get the credit – nothing else.
Brad, many who have lost babies earlier in pregnancies have said to me that they cannot imagine what it must be like to have actually given birth and held my baby knowing that she was already with Jesus. By the same token, I can only imagine what it would be like to have spent two years loving and knowing my child and then suffering such a loss. When Brianne lost Killian, Ethan was about the same age and it was after we had lost Grace. I was a mess. Our circumstances are all different, but we all need each other and, for many, that doesn’t seem to change too much with time.
Thank you both for your thoughts.
When the door opened to my room and you were standing there Rachel my life was in the process of changing at the loss of Addison. You sat at my bedside and held my hand while sharing your pain with me! I hope you look at your courage to do something so powerful and God sent! You allowed me to know that what I was feeling was so normal and stuff that was possibly to come! You never once shared or said something you shouldn’t have! God sent me an angel that night to tell me it was going to be ok and Rachel that angel was you! What you are doing is absolutely wonderful and the world needs more people like you.
Michelle – thank you so much for your encouragement, but even more for letting me know that I haven’t listened to the wrong voice at least as far as you are concerned. That helps tremendously. My prayers are with you every day, all the more as you approach Addison’s birthday. Let me know if you need to talk/text/message.