I Will Carry You

“I Will Carry You” by Angie Smith

At first I really didn’t want to read this book, to be honest.  After hearing Angie speak at a Women of Faith conference, I knew this book would take me down a road of memories and make them all too real again.  But Angie’s writing is captivating.  God has filled her with wisdom and given her the gift to express it.  If you choose to read this book you’ll gain so much from her words, but be prepared to cry and to feel grief that you may have been pushing down deep inside you for a long time.  It could be just what you need, but it could also be the hardest thing you’ve ever read.

If you gain comfort from knowing that someone else really understands the things that go through your head and heart, this book will be a good read for you.  Angie puts so perfectly into words feelings that I have had time and time again.

“I haven’t had the strength to be weak.” 

“Maybe if I trusted the Lord more, I wouldn’t hurt this badly.”

“It means so much more to me when people just tell me they’re sorry and don’t try to make all the pieces fit or explain it into something that it isn’t.”

Here is a longer excerpt that I particularly liked:

“It is human nature to wonder why God cures some and lets others die.  All kinds of smart people can probably give you textbook answers, but for those of you who are reading this, I want to offer a perspective that might make more sense to you.  

I have no idea. 

I have to be honest about this because as a woman with a swollen belly and empty cradle, I didn’t really want to hear the big philosophical explanations.  I didn’t want to hear people try to tell me that it was the best because, quite frankly, I didn’t feel that way.  I know that people wanted to help, but there is a safe place with the Lord where we don’t have to have all of the answers.

As Christians, we often want to tie up neatly with a bow and be standing ready with our church smiles when someone asks us how we are dealing with loss.  I don’t believe that “God needed another angel,” and I honestly grow weary of hearing people try to explain it all away because they couldn’t stand to say those three words. 

I don’t know.

I know there are people reading who are where I was, and I don’t want you to think that you need to have answers.  Your God is perfectly capable of revealing Himself.  You don’t have to feel like you need to fill the gaps.  He has put the gaps there so that you will press into Him despite them.  That will be your answer to those who murmur around you.”

I appreciate so much her honesty that she just can’t make sense of it all and doesn’t have answers, yet she offers so many things that do help bring comfort and understanding.  Angie also shares a letter she wrote to her daughter and the perspective of her husband, which I found to be very similar to the views I’ve heard my own husband express.

You can read Angie & Todd’s Story for a preview of the tragic situation that lead to this writing of this book.

If you have read “I Will Carry You” will you take a moment to share your own thoughts on the book in a posting below?