Personal Stories

Amy’s Story

Hello…where to begin?? In January of this year I started spotting for several weeks, I finally took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I made a dr appt to confirm it as well. This wud make our 2nd child, we have a 3 year son Owen. The first dr I saw confirmed it but didnt want to give me a due date which had me scared, thinking I was going to have a misccariage. My next appt (with my regular dr) went better, he cudnt explain the spotting (it lasted a couple of weeks then stopped) but said everything was going ok. I stayed nauseous pretty much up until my 7 month or so. By our 20th week I had tested positive for birth defects (down syndrome) (I will be 37 this Dec by the way) so we were sent to a larger hospital for an extensive ultrasound. Findings there were 85% chance that everything was ok. Around the 30th week I tested positive for gestional diabetes. I had to check my blood sugar 4 times a day. Towards the end the dr kept saying he didnt think I had it because my sugar levels were staying very normal but he wanted me to keep checking at least every so often. With this pregnancy I didnt think my baby, our 2nd son who we would name Isaac, didnt move around or kick as much as the first pregnancy, but was always told every pregnancy is different from lots of people. Every check up the heart beat wud b really strong. Towards the final few weeks I kept wanting to hurry up and have him, I wanted the pregnancy to be over, I was tired of being sick, feeling & looking big, wanting my body back of course I take all that back now and want to be still carrying him. I was scheduled to b induced at 39 weeks. On Sept 6th my husband and I went in to the hospital to have our son only to find out there was no heartbeat. How cud this have happened??? I still had to go thru labor and at 7:23pm Isaac was born with the cord wrapped around him. I just feel so cheated??? Why at the very last moment had this happened?? Why did I complain so much about this pregnancy?? I was so ready to make our family of 3 a 4. I had been telling my son the whole time be careful of mommy’s belly, ur baby brother is n there. Then to have him ask me weeks later if his brother was still n my belly and for me to not have an answer. My husband has been my rock…keeping it together more for my sake but I finally got him to let out his feelings too. My son Owen is my blessing…I wud b lost without him. He is the reason I get up everyday…wud I like to stay n bed n my pjs and cry all day? sure..but I no I need to function and keep things normal for Owen. When I say that to people they take it the wrong way, like Im not mourning for Isaac….I love Isaac with everything I have…I wanted him so much…I will miss him every day of my life…but I realize that Owen needs me and I need him too. He has seen me cry…he gets upset and tells me to b proud of him, to b happy, he makes silly faces so I will stop crying. That breaks my heart so I cry and long for Isaac when Owen is asleep. When he gets older I will tell him why Im sad at times, why Im missing his brother so he wont think Im crying because of him. He doesnt understand it now. I have so much more to say but I have wrote enough for now. Thank you for listening to me. Thanking you for sharing your story…Im sorry for your loss.

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