The weeks leading up to Grace’s birthday, the day we lost her, are always very hard for me. This was especially true the first time the calendar rolled around, but it hasn’t ever really gone away. I had spent a month in hospitals, missing the last few weeks of school and going through lots of doctors, tests and treatments in our fight to save her life. That first year following, I think I relived every single moment of 32 days – from the terrible news that something was wrong, to the devastating realization that she was gone, to the planning of her funeral and canceling my maternity leave. It wasn’t purposeful, I would have gladly let go of those thoughts if I could, but I just couldn’t shake them from mind. Years later, I still struggle with these thoughts and memories as June 8 approaches.
I’ve connected with many parents through this blog that I pray for daily. As their individual dates near, I say special prayers for their fragile hearts and minds – starting weeks in advance in case they, like me, struggle with those memories and with wondering how their life would be different today if those events hadn’t happened. Outside of this tragic bond, I don’t know most of these people. I’m sure some of them busy themselves enough with other things to drown out the pain and reliving of the past. But for those of you who find the weight grow heavier as that terrible day approaches… I’m praying for you.
I write this post today because I know that one of my new sisters is in this place right now. She shared this verse today. Please join me in claiming this promise for her.